Dreams & Doubts

I have been debating if I should post this blog for a few days, but I decided to anyway.   Perhaps it will give all my single friends some hope.

            I would never call myself a prophet.  However, I am similar to Joseph because my dreams come true.   Scientists believe we have 4-6 dreams every night which last from 5-20 minutes.   Scientists also believe we forget 95% of our dreams.   I am not sure how often I actually dream, but I only remember my dreams once in a while.  Perhaps those are the dreams GOD uses to communicate with me.  I write my dreams down into my journal and I wait for GOD to answer them.   It gives me chills to see those dreams come true.   I have no control over those dreams, but with GOD’s grace I am usually able to interpret it.

            I had a dream two weeks ago that has really shaken me.   In my dream I came home from work and I saw two doves building a nest outside the door of my apartment.  I opened the door and I greeted my dog.   Then I woke up.

            I believe GOD is communicating with me that I am going to get married.  The dove is a symbol of GOD’s blessing and two birds are “nesting”.    The opened door in my dream signifies a new opportunity.

What a powerful promise from GOD!

            So I look around and think: “ Ok, which one is he?  Wait?  None of these guys are interested in me.  Now what?”

            So I start to worry.  I start to doubt GOD’s promise to me.  I cry out to GOD, and feel peace.  Peace and anxiety at the same time, if that makes any sense at all.  I was like GOD was saying: “Relax, I got this!”  Ultimately I understood GOD was in control but I was beginning to doubt him.

 I like to listen to podcasts of sermons when I go hiking with my dog and I happened to listen to a sermon titled:  “Faith or Doubt”.  The sermon was on Chapter 15 of Genesis.   If you are not familiar, Abraham questions GOD about the promise he was given for a child.  Abraham says: “O Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascas?  You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.”  (Genesis 15:2)   This is the passage where GOD tells Abraham that his descendants will be more numerous than the stars in the sky.  

Abraham is considered the father of faith~ and he had doubts of GOD’s promises too.   What I love about this passage is how gently the LORD addresses Abraham’s concerns.   He does not scorn him or scold him.  The LORD speaks gently to him and reassures him of the promise that has been given.  In Chapter 18 GOD again promises Abraham a son: “I will surely return to you about this time next year and Sarah your wife will have a son.” (Genesis 18:10).

GOD made a promise to Abraham that he would have a child.  He made that promise several times before it actually happened.   Right now I need to develop my faith in the promise GOD has made me and accept that it is in his timing.   Abraham had to wait a very long time for his promise.

~Sunny :D

Prayer

It is summer vacation for teachers.   I love summer vacation because it gives me that time to relax, catch up with old friends, and grow in the LORD.   I like to go into my summer with some sort of spiritual goal in mind.  Last summer the LORD and I worked through a lot of stuff.   I felt blessed by my extra time with the LORD last summer and I looked forward to growing closer to HIM again this year.

            I searched my heart and tried to figure out how I can grow closer to GOD.  I love to worship him in song, and I enjoy reading my bible, and I enjoy spending time with him.  What is missing? Prayer.

            I do pray.  I pray every night.  However, I don’t really know how to pray and I always feel like I am doing it wrong.    I have always been told that I should not view GOD as a “Santa Clause in the sky” so I guess I feel awkward asking for anything unless it is a praise or directly related to something at church.   I pray for guidance when planning lessons I teach the kids at church, I pray for salvation of others, I pray for my pastors and the ministries I participate in at my church.    If I take an Honest look at my prayer life, most nights I praise GOD for being so awesome and I call it a night.

            This is not how I think prayer should be.  Prayer is supposed to be a lifeline to GOD.    A mentor of mine used to say that I needed more frogs.  Frog stands for:

Fully

Rely

On

GOD

I depend on GOD, but at the same time I don’t really communicate with him the way I feel I ought to.    My prayer life is lacking and I know this.  My summer goal is to develop a strong and healthy prayer life.  I want to make it a priority.  I want to set aside time every day to pray.   I want to understand how to pray

            I don’t mind praying in front of children at church, but I fear praying out loud around adults.  Do you know those people who pray and it sounds like poetry?  Like every work they speak is coming strait from the mouth of GOD?  Their words are filled with scripture and peppered with love.   Well,  I am not one of those people.   I feel awkward praying out loud, and I am afraid others will judge my humble words so I often stay silent.    I want to develop a strong enough prayer life that I am confortable praying around other adults, even if my words don’t sound like poetry.

            I printed off this picture of a frog and I hung it on my refrigerator and by my bedside to remind me to pray more often.   When I see the frog, I will be reminded to pray.   My prayer is that my relationship with the LORD becomes stronger as I work on my prayer life with Him.

~Sunny :D

Praying for my Future Husband

I belong to a Facebook group called “A Modern Day Ruth”.     The group is for Single women to find encouragement from each other until GOD sends us a Boaz.  (Read the book of Ruth if you don’t understand that culture reference).

The members of this group post encouraging scriptures, pictures and quotes to help us in our journey.   I love reading the things that are posted in this group because it gives me hope and often makes me think.

If you read my previous blog post on prayer, you will know I am trying to focus on improving my prayer life.   I was reading a post from another girl on the “Modern Day Ruth” Facebook page and she posted a prayer for her future husband.   She wrote:

“Tonight I pray for my future Boaz… If he is lonely please comfort him.  If he is tired, refresh him with your Holy Spirit.  Bless him and keep him and prosper his ways.  May I meet him soon.  Amen.”

            What a great idea.  I have never considered praying for my future husband this way.   I have prayed for him to come along and enter my life, but I never thought that he might feel the same things I do.   He is probably having doubts, feeling lonely, and wondering if I am out there too.

           

            In the book: “If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat.” John Ortberg suggests that we should pray for something everyday for 6 months and GOD will make miracles happen.  He gave an example of how one guy prayed for Kenya for six months and ended up doing a short term mission trip there at the end of the six months.

            On June 1^st, I decided I will pray for my future husband everyday for the next six months.   I also decided to dedicate 1 night a week to fasting and prayer for my future husband.  (No eating after 3:00 one night a week).   I will pray that GOD blesses him and watching over him.  I will pray for GOD to protect him and guide him.  I will pray that we both spend this time apart preparing for each other.  I will pray we find each other soon.

~Sunny :D

Plus 1 is the Loneliest Number

Summer is the time for baby showers, wedding showers, graduations, birthdays and other festivities that always seem to happen in the summer.   With each invitation I receive I am told I am welcome to bring a “Plus 1”.

           

I have decided that “Plus 1” is the loneliest number.  Reading the words “Plus 1” on an invitation is like a formal announcement of my prolonged single state.  My apartment feels empty when I read the words “Plus 1”.    To not bring a “Plus 1” to a social event often leaves me sitting at the kids table or next to that creepy uncle nobody likes to talk to.

I have not gone on a date in almost 2 years so finding a date for an event like a wedding is near impossible.   I am not going to walk up to some random guy at Starbuck and say: “Hi, my name is Sunny.  We just met, want to go to a wedding with me on Saturday?”   Inviting a guy friend is obviously out because rumors fly that you are dating make any social situation awkward.   

Depending on the social situation, I often try to find another girl to go with.  For example, when I am invited to an event for a friend from Graduate school, I will go with another girl from our class.  If I go to an event from a co-worker, I will bring another co-worker.   Sometimes I am faced with a situation that makes me feel like a fish out of water.

I was invited to a baby shower a few weeks ago.  Back in the day baby showers were only for women and husbands were encouraged to stay at home.  Unfortunately this invitation said “Spouses and significant others are welcome”.  I knew I was not going to know anyone at that shower.  Typically when I am find I am “Minus 1” during a “Plus 1” predicament I decline the invitation.  This woman watches my dog when go out of town so I felt obligated to go, if anything just so I could keep in good standing with my low cost, super reliable, dog sitter.  Oh, the politics of adulthood.

On a side note, finding stuff off of a baby registry is kind of like charting unknown territory.   I felt like I was on a safari trying to find a rare species of animal.   

What is a bumbo?  Is this registry even in English?  I was in Target for nearly an hour before I managed to match something on the registry with something I could actually see with my eyes.  My friend was impressed there were actual baby items in the bag.  Honestly, I am too.

Anyway, I digress…

            Upon arrival I felt alone.  I was standing in a room full of people and yet I felt completely alone.   The men were in the back talking about sports.  Several young mothers were comparing notes on the developmental stages of their young toddlers.   I heard discussion about baby diapers, formula, and I now know which detergent is the best for babies sensitive skin.   The pregnant folks were comparing food cravings and sleep patterns.  Other women were talking about their husbands.  My husband works here, my husband does this, my husband does that.   I have nothing in common with those women.   My very pregnant friend was the reason for the event, so I didn’t want to dominate her time with my social awkwardness.

For the first time in forever~  I was speechless.    

            I retreated to the bathroom and I prayed.  I started to feel anxious and I wanted to leave, but I would feel awful to ditch my friend at her baby shower.   I held back tears and I told GOD I was feeling lonely and I asked him to comfort me.   I felt  a little peace as I opened the bathroom door ready to tackle the world.

            10 minutes later a stroke of luck happened!  Someone I knew arrived to the baby shower and I was no longer alone.   She is a teacher too so we were able to relate to each other.  I was very thankful to GOD for providing a companion for me. 

“Plus 1” is still the loneliest number.

~Sunny :D

Commercialization of Christ

I drive by a Christian bookstore on my way home from work everyday.  On the last day of school I decided to stop by the store and pick up some reading material for the summer.  

            This store uses the words “Bookstore” very liberally.  Yes, they sold bibles and devotionals and books but that was only a small portion of the items they sold.   What I saw was the commercialization of Christ.  I saw “Jesus Saves” on shirts that had similar logo’s to soda cans.  Popular board games like “Apples to Apples”  or “Cranium” have biblical versions.   Bible verses were plastered on everything from coffee mugs to wallets to pill bottles.   I even saw a package of mints called “Testamints”.   Veggie Tales of course lined the entire back wall of the store.  

What is the purpose of all this junk?  Does it glorify GOD or is it just to make money?

            I think of the story in Matthew where Jesus goes to the temple and overturns tables and states: “My house will be called a house of prayer, but you are making it a den of robbers.” 

~Matthew 21: 12-13. 

            Do you think Christ is ok with the way he has been commercialized?  Is someone going to accept Christ because I hand them a testamint?  Is that what the gospel is about?

            Maybe I am wrong for thinking this, but I want people to know I am a Christian because of the way I act and not because I have a fish bumper sticker on the back of my car.   Jesus sees the heart, not the T-shirt that advertises him.

            Also, people who give a religious track in lieu of a tip at restaurants really make me angry.   It is cheep & tacky and it gives Christians a bad name.   Do you think that single mom is going to go to church after you stiff her a tip?   If you want to give a religious track to a waiter or waitress, do so~ but please leave a tip!

 I suppose this is just my rant for the day.. 

Hope I didn’t offend anyone…

~Sunny :D

Before the Morning, Josh Wilson *lyrics!*

I LOVE this song!  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!