*Sigh*

Sometimes I feel this way...

All the Single Ladies

I have a close friend from college who LOVES being single.  She absolutely adores it.  She has told me on several occasions that she has no intention of getting married.  To quote her: “Life is too short and I want to enjoy it.”

She inspires me

            I feel very wishy-washy about being single.  Sometimes I enjoy it.  Sometimes I even LOVE being single.   There are moments in life where I say “GOD, I can be single forever!  Who needs a husband?  I have Jesus”.   Then I find my mind contradicting itself with statements like: “I can’t do this another day.  If singleness is a gift, I want to return it..”  (If you have been reading my blog for the past 3 months you will realize I was struggling with the latter). 

            I wish I could be like my friend and ALWAYS be content being single.   I am double minded and (and thus unstable) in my single state.   The Apostle Paul made it quite clear that he preferred the single life.   I think he and my friend from college would be amazing friends.   If Paul was still around he and my friend would probably go hiking and secretly make fun of the married folks. 

Anyway,  I went to the book of 1 Corinthians to read about the joys of singleness. (To learn Paul’s secret).

“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say:  It is good for them to stay unmarried as I am.” ~1 Corinthians 7:8

“Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the LORD assigned to him and to which GOD has called him: ~ 1 Corinthians 7:17

“An Unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the LORD’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the LORD in both her body and spirit.” ~1 Corinthians 7:34

“A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives.  But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the LORD.  In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is~ and I think that I too have the spirit of GOD”  ~1 Corinthians 7:40

            I read those passages over and over. I have read them several times.  I have read them in the past but always thought they didn’t apply to me.  But this time when I read them, I had a change of heart.   I wrote them down in my journal.  I meditated on them.  I tried to memorize them.   How did Paul do it?   How could he find so much joy and satisfaction from being single?  He not only enjoyed being single but he felt it was better to remain single.   He understood that an unmarried person could be completely committed to Christ and Kingdom business.    Why is singlehood such a struggle for me?

It is my goal to find fulfillment in being single~  I don’t want to be wishy-washy anymore.  I want to live a full life of abundant joy being single.  Father GOD.. How can I do this?

~Sunny :D

The "Gift" of Singleness

Imagine it is Christmas Day and you are unwrapping a present from your great aunt who always gives the gifts you never want.   You open the gift and pretend you love it (so you don’t hurt her feelings).   Secretly you decide in your head that you want to either re-gift the item at the next office white elephant party or exchange it for something better.

Sometimes I view singleness as a gift from my great aunt.   How can this possibly be a gift when the ENTIRE WORLD is treating you like an outcast?  Singleness is not a gift; it’s a struggle, a fight, a battle.   You are left wondering if there is something wrong with you.  You over-analyze everything you say and do.  You wonder if you need to wear more make-up or dress differently.  It makes friendships with the opposite sex incredibly awkward. (This is especially true if they are single and near your age).   You wonder if GOD loves you.  You question if he has forgotten about you.   You don’t feel like you belong anywhere.

It’s easy to get sucked into the lie that your life is empty and meaningless.

How exactly is this a gift?

            GOD loves us and desires us to live abundantly.  He wants us to be content in EVERY stage of life.    Scripture states that singleness is a gift and I wish I could enjoy it more than I do.  I know as a single I have blessings that married folks don’t have.   I can spend my money the way I see fit.  I don’t have to be accountable to a husband about my time.   I don’t have kids so I have the ability to take showers and go to the bathroom by myself.  (From what I hear, most mothers envy this).  I can go on vacations with a drop of a hat.   I have a freedom that most women my age don’t have.    I have vast amounts of time to serve the LORD.   “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the LORD’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the LORD in both her body & Spirit.” ~1 Corinthians 7:34

            The Apostle Paul loved being single.   I have a few other friends that LOVE being single.  They are not willing to trade in their freedom for the security of marriage.   Paul was granted the “gift” of being single .  How did he do it?  How do modern folks find the joy of being single in a world that is so family-focused?

            I have really been praying about this to GOD.  I want to find the joy in the “gift” of singlehood.  I recently went to a bible bookstore to get a new highlighting pencil for my bible.  I ended up in the Singles interest section (and by section I mean 1 small shelf with 8 books on it).    Most of those books are either about “waiting on GOD to bring you a mate” or they are books to help you select a mate.   But, what if you believe you are being called to stay single for a while?  I want to know what to do with my life right now instead of sitting around waiting for something to happen.  Is there a book for people like me? 

I found a book titled: “THRIVE: The single life as GOD intended”.       It’s written by a women well into her 40’s who is single and living a full life.    I read the back cover and read:  “This is a feminine version of the Apostle Paul.  Get excited about your life: Freedom.  Joy.   Abundance.  Hope.   Embrace all that GOD has for you right now”.

I can’t tell you how excited I am about this book.    I can’t wait to finish this blog post so I can dive into this good book.

~Sunny :D

Book Review: THRIVE: The Single Life as GOD Intended

I found this book at a Christian bookstore.   I had been praying to GOD to help me learn how to be content in this season of singleness and I was looking for a book to help me do so.  I found the book  “THRIVE: The Single Life as God Intended”  By Lina Abujamra.   (GOD answers prayers).

            The author is single and in her 40’s.   During the book, she outlines some of the struggles she has had as a single, which makes the book very relatable.  Her words are tough, and a reader must make sure their heart is in the right place to hear the wisdom in the words she wrote.  

            In this book she talks about contentment, self-control, holiness, freedom and devotion to GOD.   She goes in depth about how we can conquer self-pity, bitterness, idolatry, and loneliness.   She also explains how those things are very bad to your walk with Christ.  She explains the importance of finding true love in Christ and living a life that thrives for the LORD.

One nugget of truth I found in this book:

            “GOD makes no mistakes.   You are not living plan B.  Nothing that happens in your life is outside of the will of GOD.    The single life is not plan B.  Your dating life is not GOD’s big “oops”.  It’s GOD’s best for you.   I believe with all of my heart that GOD, in His sovereignty, has allowed you to be single today for a reason, and that it is His plan not only to intentionally give you the gift of singleness but also teach you how to thrive in it.  Until you start believing GOD’s truth in your life, you will not thrive”  (Page 45)

            That was such amazing advice from a fantastic woman of GOD.   The whole book is packed with nuggets of wisdom like that.    I finished the book in 8 hours.   On a scale of  1 to 10, I would probably give this an 9.    This book is very scripture laden, and open and honest.   Lina bears her soul in a few of the stories.   However, I wish she would have given more practical advice on what to do with your time and how to thrive for Jesus.  I must admit this was one of the BEST books I have read geared for single Christians in a long time.

She has a blog if you are interested in reading more of her works, here is the web address:

www.LivingWithPower.org

~Sunny :D

Catch 22

A catch 22 can be defined as: A vicious cycle.  I had a catch 22 last year.   I have posted that I dated a Co-worker for a while and I am finally ready to tell you all about him.  It was a Catch 22 situation for more than one reason. 

            It was August 2012.  It was a new school year and I was new to that school.   On the first day of school     I met a tall, handsome, athletically built teacher whose room was directly across the hall from mine.   He was a 6^th grade teacher and the schools basketball coach.   Everybody knew him and the students loved him and he was single. 

           

            Due to proximity, he and I quickly became friends.  By October it was apparent to me (and everyone else we worked with) that he was interested in me.  He was in my classroom all of the time.  He was always looking for ways to talk to me and to be around me.  He would bring in brownies and buy me lunch at least once a week.   His face would turn a very adorable shade of red whenever we talked.   During school functions we would always end up near each other or volunteer at the same booths.

            I am on the schools leadership team and thus required to plan at least one major school event each year.   My first event was in December.  The teacher across the hall helped me out with this event in SO many ways.  He was tall and very athletic and he was able to move heavy things for me and he hung up Christmas lights from the ceiling.   He spent almost 2 hours helping me set up for the event and I thanked him and told him I would buy him lunch and he said: “You are the one doing all the work, I will buy you lunch”.

SWOON

            I started to “fall” for this guy.  Not only was he cute and great with kids, he really liked me.   I went home and prayed.  I can’t date a guy who is not a Christian.  This guy does not drink or smoke or swear.. But maybe he is just a guy who was raised with good manners?   I decided I would at least tell my co-worker about my beliefs.   I don’t really believe in the whole idea of dating a guy and bringing him to Jesus.. I think it’s best for me if the guy needs to already be there~  But what harm could there be in at least telling this guy about GOD.   I went to a bible bookstore and purchased him a devotional.

            It was the day before Winter Break and he and I did the “Christmas gift” exchange.  He had me open up my gift first and he gave me a devotional for women. (I still have the book and read it every morning).    I looked at him and he said: “I am a Christian and I think this book will help you understand my beliefs.”  I told him to open his gift and when he saw the devotional he looked at me and said: “Oh~ you are a Christian, I think we need to get some dinner..”

            So I guess you can say our first date was Taco Bell.   We talked a lot about our beliefs and realized that the other one was in fact a Christian.  He told me that he had feelings for me since October but he can’t date a girl who does not love Jesus so he prayed that he would be able to bring me to Christ.  Then he exclaimed “This awesome, you already love GOD so we can date.”

            During our Taco Bell date I found out one small thing..  He was younger then me.   Granted he looks to be about 27 or 28… (Which is still young)  but he was 22 and I was 35.  Yes~  he is 13 and ½  years younger than I am.   I hesitated when I found out about the age difference.   He told me that he didn’t care I was a little older because he really liked me and wanted to be with me.   He poured out his heart to me and basically told me that he had every intention of getting married to me if I would allow it.  (Heavy stuff for a first date).  

            I appreciated how up front he was.  So many guys play the “dating games” which frustrate me.  Having a guy be so honest was refreshing.   So despite our age difference I decided to date him to see if there was something there. 

            Dating him was amazing.  He was SO polite and kind and gentle.  He respected my physical boundaries.   I loved talking to him and he and I had similar pasts and similar goals in life.  He took me on romantic dates like the Christmas Zoo lights, and a chocolate festival.  Sometimes we went on fun dates like roller-skating and getting ice cream.  I would attend the basketball games he coached and we would get pizza after.  He was handsome, loved GOD and adored me.  What more could a girl want?   I started to reason that maybe I didn’t meet him until I was 36 because he was so much younger than I was.  

            Then… I found out about his worst character trait.  He was flakey.  And he was not just flakey with me, but with his other friends at work, his brothers and his buddies.  He would cancel dates last minute or show up late. (I am talking an hour late, not 5 minutes).   After this happened a few times, I asked his friends if it was normal and they said: “Yeah, he’s a good guy with a good heart but he can be flakey, you will get used to it.”

I said: “THIS girl is not going to get used to it!”

            The behavior continued.  We argued about it.  He told me that he loved me and really wanted to be with me, but he was forgetful and sometimes got distracted doing something.    He promised me that he would try to be on time and not cancel.  But 6 days later, he cancelled another date last minute.   Finally I ended it with him on Easter.

            He and I no longer work together.  He took some sort of advertising job for a sports store.   We are still friends on Facebook and every once in a while we send each other a message.    It appears he is dating someone else now.

            The Catch 22 of this… (Yes, he is 22 which is why I love the irony of this).   A vicious cycle~  If he was not flakey I would have stayed with him.  His flakiness was too much for me to handle so I choose to stay single rather than put up with it.  Did I make the right decision?  I ended a relationship with a generally good guy because I got tired of the flakiness.    Here I sit alone knowing that if I would have stayed in a relationship with this guy I would probably have a diamond ring on my finger.    Would he have matured out of the flakey behavior?  Was I too hasty?   My reasoning was if he really liked me he would make the effort to show up on time for dates.

            People always say: “if it’s meant to happen it will.”  And I agree with that to a point.. But we are humans and GOD still gives us free will.  It was my choice to end it.  Sometime I regret ending it because I have not gone on a date since I ended this with him almost a year ago.  Sometimes I am glad I ended it because I did not think he was GOD’s best.

            GOD taught me some lessons while I dated this guy.  I learned what a courtship should feel like.  I learned what it feels like to be pursued by a guy who is willing to put it on the line and be upfront with his intentions.   I learned how to date a guy who treats me like a lady.   I will be forever grateful for our short (very short) relationship.      Ultimately, only GOD knows the plans he has for me and I just need to trust that ending this with this guy was part of the plan and GOD will bless me another way.

~Sunny :D