Catch 22

A catch 22 can be defined as: A vicious cycle.  I had a catch 22 last year.   I have posted that I dated a Co-worker for a while and I am finally ready to tell you all about him.  It was a Catch 22 situation for more than one reason. 

            It was August 2012.  It was a new school year and I was new to that school.   On the first day of school     I met a tall, handsome, athletically built teacher whose room was directly across the hall from mine.   He was a 6^th grade teacher and the schools basketball coach.   Everybody knew him and the students loved him and he was single. 

           

            Due to proximity, he and I quickly became friends.  By October it was apparent to me (and everyone else we worked with) that he was interested in me.  He was in my classroom all of the time.  He was always looking for ways to talk to me and to be around me.  He would bring in brownies and buy me lunch at least once a week.   His face would turn a very adorable shade of red whenever we talked.   During school functions we would always end up near each other or volunteer at the same booths.

            I am on the schools leadership team and thus required to plan at least one major school event each year.   My first event was in December.  The teacher across the hall helped me out with this event in SO many ways.  He was tall and very athletic and he was able to move heavy things for me and he hung up Christmas lights from the ceiling.   He spent almost 2 hours helping me set up for the event and I thanked him and told him I would buy him lunch and he said: “You are the one doing all the work, I will buy you lunch”.

SWOON

            I started to “fall” for this guy.  Not only was he cute and great with kids, he really liked me.   I went home and prayed.  I can’t date a guy who is not a Christian.  This guy does not drink or smoke or swear.. But maybe he is just a guy who was raised with good manners?   I decided I would at least tell my co-worker about my beliefs.   I don’t really believe in the whole idea of dating a guy and bringing him to Jesus.. I think it’s best for me if the guy needs to already be there~  But what harm could there be in at least telling this guy about GOD.   I went to a bible bookstore and purchased him a devotional.

            It was the day before Winter Break and he and I did the “Christmas gift” exchange.  He had me open up my gift first and he gave me a devotional for women. (I still have the book and read it every morning).    I looked at him and he said: “I am a Christian and I think this book will help you understand my beliefs.”  I told him to open his gift and when he saw the devotional he looked at me and said: “Oh~ you are a Christian, I think we need to get some dinner..”

            So I guess you can say our first date was Taco Bell.   We talked a lot about our beliefs and realized that the other one was in fact a Christian.  He told me that he had feelings for me since October but he can’t date a girl who does not love Jesus so he prayed that he would be able to bring me to Christ.  Then he exclaimed “This awesome, you already love GOD so we can date.”

            During our Taco Bell date I found out one small thing..  He was younger then me.   Granted he looks to be about 27 or 28… (Which is still young)  but he was 22 and I was 35.  Yes~  he is 13 and ½  years younger than I am.   I hesitated when I found out about the age difference.   He told me that he didn’t care I was a little older because he really liked me and wanted to be with me.   He poured out his heart to me and basically told me that he had every intention of getting married to me if I would allow it.  (Heavy stuff for a first date).  

            I appreciated how up front he was.  So many guys play the “dating games” which frustrate me.  Having a guy be so honest was refreshing.   So despite our age difference I decided to date him to see if there was something there. 

            Dating him was amazing.  He was SO polite and kind and gentle.  He respected my physical boundaries.   I loved talking to him and he and I had similar pasts and similar goals in life.  He took me on romantic dates like the Christmas Zoo lights, and a chocolate festival.  Sometimes we went on fun dates like roller-skating and getting ice cream.  I would attend the basketball games he coached and we would get pizza after.  He was handsome, loved GOD and adored me.  What more could a girl want?   I started to reason that maybe I didn’t meet him until I was 36 because he was so much younger than I was.  

            Then… I found out about his worst character trait.  He was flakey.  And he was not just flakey with me, but with his other friends at work, his brothers and his buddies.  He would cancel dates last minute or show up late. (I am talking an hour late, not 5 minutes).   After this happened a few times, I asked his friends if it was normal and they said: “Yeah, he’s a good guy with a good heart but he can be flakey, you will get used to it.”

I said: “THIS girl is not going to get used to it!”

            The behavior continued.  We argued about it.  He told me that he loved me and really wanted to be with me, but he was forgetful and sometimes got distracted doing something.    He promised me that he would try to be on time and not cancel.  But 6 days later, he cancelled another date last minute.   Finally I ended it with him on Easter.

            He and I no longer work together.  He took some sort of advertising job for a sports store.   We are still friends on Facebook and every once in a while we send each other a message.    It appears he is dating someone else now.

            The Catch 22 of this… (Yes, he is 22 which is why I love the irony of this).   A vicious cycle~  If he was not flakey I would have stayed with him.  His flakiness was too much for me to handle so I choose to stay single rather than put up with it.  Did I make the right decision?  I ended a relationship with a generally good guy because I got tired of the flakiness.    Here I sit alone knowing that if I would have stayed in a relationship with this guy I would probably have a diamond ring on my finger.    Would he have matured out of the flakey behavior?  Was I too hasty?   My reasoning was if he really liked me he would make the effort to show up on time for dates.

            People always say: “if it’s meant to happen it will.”  And I agree with that to a point.. But we are humans and GOD still gives us free will.  It was my choice to end it.  Sometime I regret ending it because I have not gone on a date since I ended this with him almost a year ago.  Sometimes I am glad I ended it because I did not think he was GOD’s best.

            GOD taught me some lessons while I dated this guy.  I learned what a courtship should feel like.  I learned what it feels like to be pursued by a guy who is willing to put it on the line and be upfront with his intentions.   I learned how to date a guy who treats me like a lady.   I will be forever grateful for our short (very short) relationship.      Ultimately, only GOD knows the plans he has for me and I just need to trust that ending this with this guy was part of the plan and GOD will bless me another way.

~Sunny :D