Dinner & A Movie: Hawaiian

I have the gift of hospitality.  I enjoy opening up my home and inviting people over.   One of my summer goals was to Host a Dinner and Movie night.   I invited the members of my small group at church and 15 joined in the festivities.

MOVIE:
Soul Surfer.  Based on a true story.  Bethany Hamilton loses her arm while being attacked by a shark. During the movie she wrestles with herself and with God to come to terms with her new disability and eventually becomes a professional surfer.

THE FOOD:

I used recipes out of the book "Sam Choy's Polynesian Kitchen.".  If you enjoy Hawaiian food, I recommend this book because it has really yummy (and easy) recipes for Hawaiian food. 

Main Dish: Ahi Poke (Tuna)

Main Dish: Kalua Pig

Side:  Rice

Side: Hawaiian Macaroni Salad

Desert: Hawaiian Haupia 

Desert: Tropical Fruit salad with Ginger, Honey and Lime. 

I was also able to find Hawaiian potato chips and Soda at the oriental market.    (Shown below).

It was so much fun and an enjoyable night for all.     I can't wait to host my next event. 

~Sunny :D

# Summer Adulting

Every summer I struggle to fill up my time with things that are meaningful.   One of the things I decided to do was create a "summer adulating list."    This is a list of things I can do that are productive, necessary or will help me to stay off of technology when faced with tons of extra time.   I wrote the goals into my journal and put a little tab on it so it was easy to find.   I separated my goals into   categories. 

Cleaning:  

Do you have that one shelf that has been messy and is driving you nuts?   Time to clean it.

Steam clean the carpets, scrub the floors, etc.    This is extra cleaning, things that are above and beyond my weekly cleaning routines. 

Appointments:

Vet.  Doctor, Dentist,  Oil Change, etc.

Friendship Goals:

Dinner and a Movie at my place, girls movie night out, etc. 

God Goals:

Reading/studying the book of James.   In January I read the book of James 20 times in a row. I decided that I wanted to do a more intense study of the book and included it on my list. 

A pastor of my church wrote the Bible study "God who Dances".  It is about developing a deeper intimacy with God.   If you are interested in the Bible study "God Who Dances", you can click this link: 

https://desertdirection.com/teaching/the-god-who-dances/

Professional Development:

Summertime is an excellent time to participate in professional development.   I signed up for a few classes through my school district. 

What kind of goals do you have?

~Sunny :D

Tech Free Tuesday

Technology is everywhere.  It is easy to get sucked into a technology rut and completely lose track of the time.   There are even studies about how technology has become an addiction.  I can understand that being possible with cell phones, TV, on demand streaming, Netflix, Hulu, and various other options available 24/7.

It was suggested that I download an app called "moment."  It is a FREE app that tracks how much screen time you use on your cell phone.   I downloaded the app, expecting it to be 2-3 hours.   At the end of the day I managed to rack up 5.5 hours of screen time on my phone!?!?!?   😮😮😮

I suspect I used this time text messaging but that is a lot of time wasted on a phone.

I decided to make every Tuesday  Tech Free (Technology free).

Here is a sample of my schedule
5AM:  Laundry, journal, walk the dog and breakfast.
9:00:  Class at the gym (Zumba)
10:30 Shower, get dressed
12:00 Lunch with a friend
2:30: Study the Book of James
6:00:  Dinner
7:00:  Class at the Gym (Yoga)
8:30: walk the dog
9:00 Bedtime.

The only time I used the phone was when I needed to send a quick text to confirm lunch plans and to call my doctor to set up an appointment.  Overall, it was a total tech free Tuesday.

~Sunny :D

Breadcrumbs are the WORST 🍞🥖

In the wonderful world of online dating there is nothing more annoying than a guy who breadcrumbs.  Often these are the kind of guy you would be interested in (Good jobs, good education, strong christians, etc.).   I am sure girls do it too but I am a lady and I can only speak about my experiences with online dating.  In case you did not know the definition of breadcrumbing is below.

Breadcrumbing: The act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages (Bread crumbs) in order to lure someone romantically without expending much effort." 🍞🥖

Here are some examples of breadcrumbing I have had over the last few weeks

Bachelor #1
Bachelor #1 would send me countless pictures of him at work, and would text "how are you doing" or  the even more evasive "WYD" almost everyday. 😕   Occasionally we would have have good/ deep text conversations.   He was well educated and actually attended my church a few years prior to us connecting online.

Him: "Hey"
Me: "Howdy"
Him: "So.. I kind of want to meet you."
Me: "Great.  I would like to meet you too."
Him: "When  are you available?"
Me: "Friday after work or Sunday after church"
Him: "Probably Sunday.. I will let you know."

That Sunday, I sent him a "Hey, are we gonna get together text." around 9AM.    I went about my day.  Went to bible study class, church and had lunch with all of my friends from church. I checked my phone, and I noticed he had not communicated with me all day and it was now 3PM.   After lunch I did errands, got groceries and went to the gym.  Still nothing.

In fact he did not respond for three more days and acted like nothing happened.   I gave him the "We are not gonna work out" text and was done.
(Truthfully, I allowed this guy to ask me out two more times and flake on me before I finally ended things with him)


Bachelor #2
Bachelor 2 and I had been texting for weeks and even had several long phone calls(some over 2 hours).  He was on fire for the Lord and was well versed in scripture.   He would text me how he never felt so strong about a women before and how I was everything he was looking for in a future wife.  After several weeks of that I took the initiative.

Me: "I enjoy talking/texting with you, but do you have any interest I meeting me?"
Him: "Hey, you are so beautiful.  I am just dying to meet you."
Me: "Great.  When would you like to meet?"
Him: "You know what? I don't have my schedule with me but I will text you when I get it and set something up."

One week later
Him: "I am trying to find the perfect spot to take you for our first date.   Somewhere romantic and special."
Me: "How about.... coffee?"
Him: "No. It needs to be better than coffee.  You are the kind of woman you bring home to mom.  You deserve something better than coffee. "

One Week Later
Him: "Ok, beautiful, I found this restaurant that would be perfect for us. Have you ever heard of (insert name of restaurant)"
Me: "Yes!  I know exactly where that is.  When would you like to meet?"
Him: "Let me check my schedule at work and I will get back to you."

This continued for several weeks.  He would claim he didn't know his schedule, changed the restaurant location, changed the day he wanted to meet me.   During this time he would call me and have hour long conversations.  He would send me pictures and youtube clips.  He would seek constant validation and tell me how perfect and beautiful I was and thus, I would feel obligated to say similar things back.     When I finally accepted this was going nowhere, I sent the "This is not gonna work out" text and ended it.

I debated if I should post this blog or not.  It does not really talk about how my Christian walk has changed because of dating but was just kind of a post full of negative examples I have had with guys who are Christians.    Perhaps it has caused me to be a little more careful about how I interact with guys I am unsure about.   Am I making false promises?  Am I stringing guys along?

~Sunny :D

Sacrifices and God

Over the past few weeks I have had several dates with many guys.  Most of the guys I have gone on dates with are good guys but we just are not right for each other.   Some of these guys have even gone on 3-4 dates with.  Here is what I am noticing:

I was not right for them

They were not right for me

We were not right for each other

We are looking for different things

I am totally ok with this.  I would rather end things early then spend months with a guy there is not future with.   I am looking to make every guy like me, I am looking for "THE ONE".

Unfortunately, meeting all these guys have created some deficits in my schedule when it comes to time.   I have had to make sacrifices.    For example, one guy I met for coffee worked until 7:30PM,  which meant that I had to meet him for coffee at 8PM.   By the time the date was done and I was home, walked my dog, read my bible and showered it was 10:30PM.    I had to wake up the next morning at 5AM to go to work.

Aside from dating, I am also working full time, attend weekly bible studies twice a week, take classes through my school district once a week and I have friends and hobbies.   It has truly been a balancing act to juggle all of these things.

One things I am trying not to sacrifice is my time with the Lord.  It is easy (when we are busy) to put God on a shelf.   In the book "Boundaries in Dating" the author states "Many times a person will find her relationship with God taking some sort of detour as her dating world becomes more involved (Page 51-52).

OUCH~

I had to confess that I have had to sacrifice some things and one of them was completing my weekly bible study homework for Romans.   the Bible study is intense and asks really thought provoking questions.  Often the homework takes me 2-3 hours to complete.   Here it was, Tuesday night, hours before the Bible study was supposed to meet and I was trying to complete the work while texting 4 different guys.  I was distracted.  I was frustrated that I was not getting my work done and I almost skipped bible study that night.

Jesus is my most important relationship.  He should be getting my full focus when studying his word.   I should not be allowing guys to distract me from my walk with him.    I had to set a boundary with these guys, explain that I was buying doing my bible study homework.  I figured that if a guy really loved God he would be totally cool if I put my phone away to focus on Jesus (in fact, I believe the right guy would have encouraged that).

What happened?   Two of the guys got upset and one even accused me of leading him on and blocked me.   Wow!    I am glad that I set that boundary and I am going to be fervent with spending time with God in the future.  

As a friend said "If they don't respect your boundaries now, they won't respect them in the future."

I completely agree.

~Sunny :D

Technology in Dating: 9 to 9 Rule ⏰

I have recently begun being serious about dating.   I have been meeting many guys online and I have started a rule called the 9 to 9 rule.

Basically, I do not sent any texts nor do I reply to any texts before 9AM.    I do not make phone calls nor do I accept phone calls before 9AM.    On the flip side, I do not send or reply to texts after 9PM nor do I make or accept phone calls after 9PM.   I call this my 9 to 9 rule.   Between the hours of 9AM and 9PM I am open to communicating with guys when my schedule allows it.   However at 9PM the phone gets shut of.

If I am home, this is when I spend my time the the Lord and I don't need the distractions of my phone buzzing and blinking when I am trying to pray or read.   As soon as I wake up(5AM) I would turn my phone back on.⏰

Initially, I was open to talking to and texting guys during my planning time at work or on my morning commute.   However, I have learned that those are guys who were notoriously breadcrumbing me 😡🍞 and I realized how much time I wasted allowing guys to communicate with me when I could have been doing better things with my time. (Again, I am a busy girl).  Also, having my phone ring during prep time was becoming a distraction and was conflicting with my ability to plan out well thought-out and innovative lessons.

It is all about setting boundaries.  I have found that the guys who really like me don't care if I only respond to their texts during lunch or after work.  They encourage me to spend time with Jesus and turn off my phone at 9.    They understand I am not chained to my phone and respect my 9 to 9 rule.   If I find myself in a serious relationship with a guy, I will change my rule and allow more communication before 9AM but for now, it is a way for me to keep in touch with guys without losing my sanity.

~Sunny :D

Technology in Dating: Breadcrumbs 🍞🍞

Ghosting (Previous blog) is annoying but I think the idea of bread crumbing is way worse than ghosting.

Breadcrumbing: The act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages (Bread crumbs) in order to lure someone romantically without expending much effort." 🍞🥖

I am the victim of bread crumbing by three separate guys.
The guys sought me out over Plenty of Fish.
The  guys asked for my phone number
The guys spent weeks literally wasting my time with texts, pictures, meme's and youtube videos.
                      *One even had 2 hour long phone calls with me
The guys would ask me out but never schedule a specific time and place to meet.

The purpose of bread crumbing is keeping your options open while giving minimal investment to the the people you are choosing between.   I think this is terrible. While I agree it is important to date more than one guy until you find one you really like I would never string a guy along to stroke my own ego.   That is essentially what is happening.

I am a busy woman.  I have a full time job, bible study, friends, hobbies and a life.  I don't have time to sit around and constantly validate guys who have little to no romantic interest in me.  I think breadcrumbing is one of the most selfish things you can do to another person.

The key is to spot these guys quickly which is difficult to do when you think they really like you or if you really like them.  Just remember these guys are probably communicating with multiple women the same way they are communicating with you.   Here are some RED FLAGS to watch out for when you think you are dealing with someone who is breadcrumbing you.

Does he send the following:
Pictures of himself (Selfies) with very little backstory.
Memes that have nothing to do with anything you have discussed.
Youtube Video's of songs

Does he: 
Ask for constant validation about the things he sends to you.
Does he get upset when you don't tell him how cute he is/ smart he is/funny he is, etc.

Is he wishy-washing about meeting:
Is he suddenly out of town
Busy at work
He didn't notice you texted
The old "I will let you know."

I hope that I have been able to help you navigate what it feels like to be breadcrumbed and what kind of warning signs you should be looking for.    Since this is something I have had way too much experience with (in only the first few weeks of dating) I am sure I will continue to  post more about it as I continue on my journey.

~Sunny :D