What should the church do about singles?

This blog was originally titled: What should you say to singles.   I had high hopes of listing 10 things to say to singles to make them feel better about life.  After brainstorming, I was only able to come up with one or two things to actually say.

So instead I offered ways you can help singles feel connected in a church.  Often singles feel isolated in a church.  We do not feel like we belong and have difficulty forming connections.   The church supports those who are married and have kids but often overlook singles. (Specifically, singles who are out of college).  But once someone becomes 26, if they have not gotten engaged they suddenly feel left out of a church.   Here are some suggestions on how to relate to singles.


1) Offer opportunities to grow within a church.
Notice I said GROW and not just serve.  Growing within a church involves sermons and participating in a small group.  Often I get frustrated when I read a church bulletin and it offers:
College Ministry
Newly engaged groups
Young couples groups
Love and Respect (A marriage group)
Parents of newborns.
MOPS (mom's with PS kids)
Parents with teens
Parents with college students
Mixed Marriage (groups for blended families)
Senior citizens group

Which group do I fit into?  I don't have kids and I am not married.  I am not a senior citizen.  I do not fit into any group.  Some churches offer singles groups, but it has been my experience that those are usually awful and attract the wrong kind of guy/girl.   Perhaps, we should stop offering all these segregated groups.  I think it would be wise for churches to offer intergenerational groups.

2) Offers Men's/Women's bible studies during a time when working adults can attend.
As a single women, I desire to form connections within my church.  Ladies bible study meets 9 AM on Tuesday.   Ladies fellowship Bruch, this Friday at 11.  Men's group, meets at 7 AM Thursday.

 I have a full time job and I am unable to attend the anything that falls between 7AM and 4PM.  Most single men/women I know find themselves in the same predicament.  We desire to grow in the Lord, but our work schedule does not allow it to be a reality.   Please offer bible studies after 5PM.

3) Invite them to do something fun with you. 
Single women enjoy meeting for coffee, attending concerts or grabbing lunch.   Single guys enjoy sports, movies, and dinner.  If there is a single person in your church~reach out to them.  Invite them to join a bible study or get lunch after church.    Be genuine and get to know them.

4)Offer to help them with something.
A year ago, I moved into the apartment I now share with a roommate.  I had many friends offer to help (including 3 married couples).  The entire move took 2 hours.   If I would have moved with just a few friends, It would have taken hours.  I was very thankful that my married friend arrived to help.

This list is not finished yet, however here are a few practical suggestions for helping singles get connected in a church.

~Sunny :D

13 reasons

It was suggested to teachers in my district to watch the Netflix series "13 reasons".   If you are not familiar with the show, it is about a girl who takes her own life and the main character receives 13 cassette tapes to describe how each person contributed to her mental health.

This was designed to help us understand bullying and find the red flags in our students.   In my opinion, it glorified suicide.  The main character was bullied and it leads up to her being raped at a party.  After she was raped, she ended her life (in a vary graphic scene that is NOT appropriate for anyone under 18).    I understand that bullying is difficult but it made it appear as if the main character's only hope was to end her own life.

This show was particularly difficult for me as I know of 3 people who have ended their life due to suicide.  One of them was a close friend who called me the night before she died.   I always wonder if maybe I would have answered the phone she would still be around.

I have a friend who volunteers at a suicide hotline and she told me that they have been incredibly busy since the show aired.  I completely believe this.  The show not only glorified suicide but it also helped to desensitize us to it.

I am praying my students do not have access to the show.  They are young, impressionable and don't always know how to handle their own emotions.  Summer vacation is coming up which means many of my students will be without the support network at my school.

I do not want to judge anyone who may feel suicidal in this blog post.  Please know that Jesus has a good plan for you life and there are people who care about you.   Please do not hesitate to reach out to friends, pastors, or family members if you are having thoughts of suicide.   If you are uncomfortable reaching out to people you know,  there is help available at Suicide hotlines (I apologize I do not know the phone numbers).   Please know you are loved.

~Sunny :D

3 Weddings and a Baby

In January, I opened my mailbox and I received 4 invitations:
3 wedding invitations
1 baby shower invitation.

 Typically when I receive these things in the mail (and I receive them often) I groan and complain that I will have to spend $50-$100 to attend an event that will only amply my single status.  I struggle because I have to accept the change in the relationship with that friend as they enter a new stage of life and I am left behind.  This is difficult because I am left grieving the loss of my friendship and left wrestling with my own unanswered prayers.

I opened up my social calendar and wrote every one of those dates down in my planner.   I vowed that I would not allow my single status (or year of dating) to take away from the joy of the day.  I refused to wallow in sadness and I vowed not to scan the room for the possible "Mr. Right" while at the weddings.   I wanted to live each moment with Joy.

What did I learn?  Weddings are incredibly fun when you focus on the actual event.   Each wedding I attended was different, but each was special and beautiful and really captured the personalities of the bride and groom.  I took notice of the candles carefully placed on each table.  The decorations in the reception hall.   During the reception, I took pictures with all of my friends.  One wedding had a photo book with masks and signs you could hold up when taking pictures.


One wedding had the most delicious raspberry lemonade.   Traditional wedding cakes are chocolate or vanilla.  My friends are more creative and offered Lemon or Carrot cake options as well.    One wedding I attended had hours of just dance music because the groom loved to dance.   I was thankful I wore flats that day.  The final wedding took place in an art gallery.  The couple was very artist and the wedding was just as "large as life" as they are.

Each wedding was unique and beautiful in their own way.   Instead of  wallowing is self-pity I enjoyed each moment of each wedding.

Now about the baby shower:
Baby showers are often very uncomfortable for me.   I don't understand babies.  They are cute and smell good but I have no idea how to relate to them.  Purchasing baby-shower gifts often feels like I am trying to navigate a jungle safari where all of the plants are pink and blue.  Fortunately, I was not alone in my awkward baby-shower mindset. The soon to be mommy was the only pregnant woman in the room and one of the only married women.   We played silly shower games and  and tried to guess how big my friends stomach has gotten.   It was an enjoyable day.

Typically, this kind of season would be difficult for me.. However, finding joy in everything has made it amazing!

~Sunny :D