Wounded....

      Have you ever been manipulated by a leader at your church?  If it has never happened to you, you will not know how to spot it.  I have been attending churches for over 17 years and I have never encountered a situation like the one I just got out of at my church.    I don’t like the idea of airing out dirty laundry, but I feel led to post this so that others do not have a similar experience.

            A leader at my church asked me to join a ministry.  I was hesitant to join this group but the leader assured me it would be a good thing for me and for our church.    The vision behind the ministry was beautiful, but the execution was not.   I felt as if joining this group was not my choice.  I felt like I was being forced to attend this group.   The leader of this group used guilt tactics and made me feel like participation in his ministry was the most important thing.    He kept reassuring us that we were making “An eternal difference”.    He would question people’s walks with GOD if they missed out on a bible study.    He would play favorites.  He would praise those who did everything he said.  If you crossed him, watch out!  He would say snide, underhanded comments to everyone about you behind your back.  

            I choose to leave this ministry because I became busy doing other things for GOD.  However, since I left they leader of this ministry has ruined my reputation and made it difficult for me to fellowship there.  I have realized how toxic this group is.    The weak-minded sheep stay and the strong leave.      This group was not about serving my needs, nor was it really serving the needs of others.  This group was not even about seeking the LORD and serving him.  Everything in this group was centered around the leader’s pride, agenda and ego.    There are warnings in the book of Jeremiah about this very thing.

            “Woe to the shepherds who are destroying and scattering the sheep of my pasture!  Declares the LORD.  Therefore this is what the LORD the GOD of Israel, says to the shepherds who tend my people: Because you have scattered my flock and driven them away and have not bestowed care on the, I will bestow punishment on you for the evil you have done, declares the LORD.   I myself will gather the remnant of my flock out of allt he countries where I have driven them and will bring them back to their pasture, where they will be fruitful and increase in number.  I will place shepherds over them who will tend them, and they will no longer be afraid or terrified, no will any be missing, declares the LORD.”  ~Jeremiah 23: 1-4

The leader of this group burdened me with responsibilities.  I was drained from it all.  I would tell him again and again that I was getting burned out and he would deflect my concerns or remind me that: “I was doing those things for Jesus not for him.”  He continued to pile on errands and tasks onto me.   He stopped asking and began to tell me what needed to be done.   He was not thanking me or showing much appreciation.   It was becoming too much.  I was reminded of the gospel of Matthew: “They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” ~Matthew 23:4   He was shoving assignments onto me without offering to help me, all the while quoting scripture and assuring me that doing all of these things would allow me to reap an eternal harvest of blessings.

Cut the nonsense!   Jesus is not sitting up in Heaven putting jewels on my crown because I took attendance and collected money for the workbooks.   (This was among the many, many tasks I had).

            I left that group because I wanted to focus on another ministry in the church.  I saw the needs for my skills greater in another area than in his group.   The leader of this group did not see it that way.  He grew resentful and began to slander me to other church leaders. 

 “I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us.  So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us.  Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers.  He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.” ~3 John 9-10. 

            The leader thought his ministry was the most important and got disgusted when I choose to use my time in another way.   He gossiped about me, and stirred up dissension among my brothers (Proverbs 6:19).   He would give me dirty looks in the courtyard at church.    A healthy leader would have stepped away and understood my decision to leave and honored it as being of the LORD.   Instead of being upset with me he would have praised me for following GOD’s will for my life.  He would have made me feel welcomed to come back.  

 “Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of GOD? Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

~Galatians 1:10.    I try to make decisions that line up with GOD’s will for my life..   After all, “You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men.” ~1 Corinthians 7:23

A great C.S. Lewis quote states: “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive.  It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies.   The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good, will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”

            Beware of leaders who use guilt tactics to make you stay in a situation that is spiritually or emotionally unhealthy for you. 

~Sunny :D