#Frustrated

Dear readers (all 5 of you) I need to be more honest about a post I made a few weeks ago about my job.   I said I felt complacent in my job~ and in some ways that is true.  However, the feeling I feel the most when I think of my job is frustration. 

I am unhappy at my job this year and I am not sure what to do about it.  I have been praying to GOD about my circumstances and things have only gotten worse.   I have asked GOD to show me the lesson I am supposed to learn through all of this, and I feel like he is being silent.   I am weary from everything.  I go home exhausted.   The passion for teaching has been sucked out of me and I feel like I am in survival mode counting down the days until June.

The more time I think about my work situation, the more I feel like it is time to leave the school I work at.   If I am going to be completely honest, I have been considering it might be time to leave education all together.

I can’t tell you how much this is breaking my heart.  It seriously moves me to tears.   Can I abandon the same kids that have abandonment issues?   Can I be just another adult in their life that disappears?   On the other hand, I can’t stay in a building where I am exasperated by the politics.  I can’t stay in a building where the double-mindedness of my boss has tested my patience in new and ridiculous ways.   

I go to bed anxious.  I have lost sleep.  I stay awake at night and worry about my job.   I am at the point in my career where I am young enough to still be up to date on current teaching methodologies, but old enough to be experienced in teaching them.  Why do I feel like I am the worst teacher ever?  Why do I feel like I am walking on eggshells, like nothing I ever do is good enough?  

 This decision is not one I take lightly and I am not really sure what path I am supposed to take.  I feel peace that GOD will take care of me and I am sure he is working very hard to prepare the next job for me.   My prayer is that GOD will direct my paths in the way he wants me to go.  Also, I am praying that GOD helps me get though the rest of this year.

~Sunny :D