Food for Thought

I am single.  To be honest,  sometimes I don’t mind being single.  My time is my time, my money is my money and I don’t have to cook dinner unless I want too.   As a Christian, I love the fact that I can spend as much time as I want focusing on my relationship with GOD and serving him.   While I used to become envious of my friends and their quiver of youngsters, I have learned to enjoy the peace and quiet I have when I get home from work.    Do I get lonely?   Sometimes~ but I have enough friends and hobbies to fill my time and I am rarely home before 7 PM.  

There is one event in life that always panics this single girl.  The event is called CHURCH FELLOWSHIP DINNER.   Before I continue I want to make it clear that I love the church I attend.  It has solid teaching, and the people are genuine and kind.   However, people like me (Singles) don’t always feel welcomed at church fellowship dinners.   At a recent church fellowship dinner, I stood there surrounded by cliques.  Families, young adults, youth, kids…  For the first time in a long time I felt alone.

How can I stand in a center of a village and feel alone?

I panicked.  I was in line to get some barbeque and felt compelled to run and hide.  I ran into the bathroom and I had a panic attack.  I started to cry and worry that everyone was staring at the “poor single girl”.   I texted some of my close friends who told me I was being silly and my fears were unfounded. They reminded me that I am an amazing woman of GOD and any person there would be blessed to have a conversation with me.

I didn’t feel amazing.  I felt like trash.  Satan had his grip on me and he was not going to let go.  I tried to calm my fears but decided that it was best for me to go home.  I slipped out the back door, ran to my vehicle and drove home in tears.

I know I am just as guilty about getting into the “cliques.”  I have a circle of friends at church and when they are at the fellowship dinners I sit with them instead of reaching out to people who look like lost sheep.   However, most of them were out of town during this event, which left me to scramble for fellowship.   I need to stop being part of the problem and become part of the solution.   Instead of clinging to my small circle of friends, I need to reach out to those who are alone and ask them to join me.   GOD please give me the courage to do this during the next fellowship dinner.

~Sunny :D