The Struggle with Singleness~ Identity Crisis

As a woman ages, the way people speak to her about the possibility of marriage changes.  They seem like small changes, but they are very significant.

When people speak to me:
It used to be: "When you get married....." (20's)
Then it changed to: "If you get married..." (Early 30's)
Then it changed to:  "If you ever get married."(Late 30's)
Then it became a question: "Do you want to get married?"  (40's)
And occasionally I hear:  "What if you don't get married? (Also 40's)

  

The problem with these statements is that makes a women feel like their only role in life is to be a wife and mother.   Also, the way the statement changes will communicate that their possibilities of getting married significantly get lower with each birthday.   Sermons centered around marriage and family, ladies bible studies on "how to be a godly wife" and "family events" at a church tend to make a single women feel like they do not belong.

What happens with someone does not get married?

What are single women supposed to be doing?

If I were married and had children I would know exactly how to act.   What I was supposed to say, how I was supposed to relate to my husband.  My role in life would be very specific and biblically based.

"Teach older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but teach what is good.  then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children.  To be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home and to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."  ~Titus 2: 3-5

The Wife of Noble Character located in Proverbs 31:10-31 outlines exactly what a noble wife should be doing.   How the should act.  What to do with free time.  

So... what are single women supposed to be doing?

When I turn on the TV and watch shows about single women there is always this underlining "hook up culture" attached to it. In these shows,  Single women will spend hundreds of money on designer bags and clothes.  They will go out to eat every night.  They will go to the bar and hook up with a
random guy.   The mantra is "Singles and Fabulous".  

Who actually lives like this? 

Christians are to be set apart.  "God has set apart the Godly for himself." ~Psalm 4:3.  This means we ought to behave in a way that glorifies God.  "Offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." ~Romans 12: 1-2.

So.. As a single I look to the church to give me answers about what my life is supposed to look like.   Often people will remind me of famous single people.

For example:
The Apostle Paul was single and he did amazing things for Jesus.
Amy Carmichael was single and was a missionary in India.
Corrie Ten Boom was single and helped jews during Nazi Germany and wrote tons of books.
Michael Tate is the lead singer for News boys.. He is single.

These are all amazing people who lead amazing lives.  I am perfectly ordinary.  Yes, yes. I know God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things.   However I don't feel an extraordinary call on my life.

When I ask fellow Christians what a single women is supposed to be doing I usually hear:
1) Devoted to God.  (Reading/studying the Bible, Praying, Worshipping)
2)Serve God (Volunteer in a church, homeless ministries, etc.).

I think ALL Christians(married and/or single) should be devoted to God: Reading, Praying, Worship.
I think ALL Christians (married and/or single) should serve God: In a church or in the community.

I think I struggle with figuring out my specific call in life.  If I am not called to be a wife or mother (as expected) that what is my purpose in this life?

~Sunny :D