Serving God

I have been struggling with finding a way to serve God.   I feel I need to serve the Lord, but I am unsure of what ways I should be serving.  What will glorify God and give me joy?   Should I serve in ways I am familiar with or push myself in something I have never done?   Would I benefit from flying under the radar and doing behind the scenes service?   Should I forget serving in a church all together and find ways to serve in my community instead?

Here is some context of the thoughts behind my struggle.   I left my last church two years ago.   In many ways that church broke me.  I still cry in the middle of the night over things that happened at that church. I am not fully healed from the brokenness.    I hesitate to get involved in my church because I don't want to get involved in the politics or drama associated with a church.  God created me to fill specific roles but often those roles are acquired through heartbreak and tears.   In some ways those roles gave me joy and I felt like I had a purpose.   However, I am not sure if those few joyful moments were worth the headaches, heartache and pain that eventually happened.

I find myself asking:
"Do I really want to go through this again?"
"How can I prevent myself from getting into the same situations or making the same mistakes again?"
"Do I even want to serve in a church anymore?"

So then I start to think that maybe I should avoid any ministries that might put me in a leadership role.  Stay away from the spotlight, stay away from the stage, stay away from the politics.  I have considered doing tasks such as stuffing envelopes, cleaning up in-between services, becoming a greeter and handing out bulletins.  These jobs and tasks are just as important as the roles I performed at my last church.  However, when I think of these jobs I can't help but wonder:

"Is it enough?"

As a single women I often wonder if I am doing enough.  As a single person I have unlimited time to devote to ministry and to God.  Small tasks have small time commitment.  Being a greeter has a 20 minute time commitment.  Stuffing envelopes might take an hour.  Is that enough?   Shouldn't I be doing great and amazing things for God in my single season?

I also wrestle my thoughts.  Tying to figure out what will honor God the most.   Should I step up to my usual roles in a church or should I forgo my God-gifted talents and volunteer in more understated capacities.  Anyone can stuff envelopes, anyone can clean up between services, anyone can hand out bulletins.  But only a few can fill the roles that God has created me to fill.

With that being said, I do wonder if I should just forget serving in a church all together and find meaning in serving outside of the church.   Serve the community.   Again, I am not entirely sure where to get started.  I found a website called: Volunteer March.  The website listed 100's of volunteer opportunities here in Phoenix.  However, I could not help but wonder if those opportunities were really making a difference in our community.  I honestly just felt like a few of them were trying to save money by not hiring secretaries, tour guides or cleaning crews.

I want my time to count.  When I serve I want to feel like I am serving a higher purpose. I don't want to feel like I am working a part time job and not getting paid.   I want to make a difference.

God has a plan or my life.  I was created for a specific purpose~ I just wish I knew what it was.

~Sunny :D