Broken

I recently watched the Mocking Jay (Part 1) in the movie theatre.   There is a line in the movie:

“It takes ten time as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart”

~Finnick Odair, Mocking Jay.

I can relate to this quote.   I have been broken.  I spent 12 weeks of my life getting my spirit crushed.  I gained weight, lost friends, and my life is nearly destroyed.   Right now I am putting the pieces of my wrecked existence back together.     Six months ago I was a strong, confident women of God and now I am a broken mess. 

            GOD is here!  I can feel his presence.   Psalm 34:18 promises: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.”   Lord.. My spirit is crushed.   My heart has been broken.   I know that GOD is closer to me now than he was six months ago.  I can actually feel him.  Not that I didn’t feel him sixth months ago, but it feels more intimate, and closer. 

I feel like my heart has been put into a blender and spun around, then served as a smoothie to the very person who hurt me the most.    Apparently my heart must taste delicious because that person continues to hurt me over and over.   They have not sought forgiveness, rather they are quick to hurl insults and find my faults.    “GOD is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” ~Psalm 46:1

I cry out to GOD!

            I get verses about trusting GOD.   I hear songs about trusting GOD.  I can almost hear GOD yelling down from heaven “TRUST ME SUNNY!!!!”  Ultimately I believe this trial is for my good.  GOD is trying to teach me something.  Perhaps I am learning to be more dependent on him?  Maybe I need to rest in his love?  Honestly, the LORD has not fully revealed the entire lesson to me yet~ all I am being told is to trust him.

However, I know this is not a lesson I want to repeat.

~Sunny :D