Well..... Now What?

I have been single most of my life.   When I was growing up I was too busy with extra curricular activities to worry about dating.  (I was not a Christian at the time so it’s probably better I was single during this stage).   I became a believer in College and spent most of my 20’s alone.  There was probably a period of about 7 years where I didn’t go on a single date.   I saw my friends marry off and start families and I began to desire marriage.   I don’t really believe in the idea of looking for love so I waited on GOD and kept busy.   

I moved to Arizona.  I got a Master’s degree.   I spend large amounts of time with my friends.  I am super involved at the school I teach at, and I serve regularly in my church.   Even with ALL of these things, I still find myself asking “Now what?”

I anticipate I will be single for a while and I have been searching for an answer on what to do while I wait.  GOD knows the plans he has for me, and if he wants me to be single, then I am single for a reason.   What is that reason?  What should I be doing?

I get jealous of my friends who have visions.  I have friends who are writing books, getting advanced degrees, publishing articles in academic journals, becoming college professors, become nationally certified teachers.   They make a decision and they go out and do it.   I have the drive and the time, but I don’t have the vision.    At 36, I have accepted that I have aged out of the “mommy-track” that so many of my high school and college friends have become.   However, I don’t really see anything exciting happening with my career either.  (Education kind of has a glass ceiling and by 36 I can say with full confidence that I have reached it).

I don’t want to publish articles, or write a book.  I don’t want to become a college professor or get nationally board certified.   At the same time I feel like I should be doing something.   

I went to a concert with an older Christian woman last week.   I was pouring out my heart to her and told her my feelings about life.   I told her I was upset that I am not married and I have no vision as to what I should be doing with my single status.   I was feeling confused and lost.

She said:   “Just focus on the LORD.”  

I replied: “Focus on the LORD and do what?”

She said: “Why do you think you need to be doing anything other than just focusing on the LORD?”

I have to admit that I have spent a great portion of my walk with GOD with distractions.  I carried a full load and a part time job in college.  I throw myself into my job.  I went back to school and I got a Master’s degree.   I have developed skills and hobbies.  I have made multiple friendships.  During all of this, when did I just focus on the LORD?

GOD, please help me focus on just you.   Help me to be still and know that you are GOD.   Help me to be content with using this time in my life to get to know you and serve you to the best of my ability. 

~Sunny :D