Dinner for 1

My mother is a very anxious woman.   She is very afraid of what others think of her and would rather stay home alone then go somewhere alone.   She has always had a boyfriend and refuses to do anything by herself.   I must admit that the fear of doing anything alone has rubbed off onto me but through Christ I have been able to overcome many of those deep-rooted fears.  (I still get panic attacks in certain social situations, but it’s getting easier).

Here is an example:  I remember I wanted to see a movie growing up and none of my friends wanted to see the movie so I told her that I would go and see the movie by myself and she said:  “Oh, only weirdo’s go to the movie theatre alone.  Everyone will be starring at you if you sit there by yourself. ”   For years I held onto this belief that I could not go to a movie theatre by myself because I didn’t want to be labeled as a ‘weirdo’.    10 years ago I was living in Annapolis.  I was new there and didn’t have any friends.  Lord of the Rings was in the theatre and I really wanted to see it so I decided to do the unspeakable and see a movie ALL BY MYSELF.   I went to a 3:00 show so it was not as busy as an evening show.  I even treated myself to popcorn and a soda.   I entered the theatre and sat smack in the middle.   A few minutes after I arrived a women came up to me and said: “I am alone too, can I sit next to you?”   The two of us sat next to each other and enjoyed each other’s company. 

I survived and I left with my dignity intact (I am not a weirdo).

Since that experience I have become less afraid to do things alone.  I have gone to countless movies by myself.  I have gone on solo vacations, by myself.   I have joined groups and gone to events by myself.   I have learned that I need to do these things alone to make friends.   

There is one thing I was scared to do alone and that is eat dinner at a restaurant by myself.   Those anxieties about being alone at are very deep-rooted and I was afraid that people would think I was a loser.   I decided it was time to face this fear.    I am not ready to take myself out to a romantic dinner to Olive Garden, but I decided I could baby-step my way into this by choosing Denny’s.   Yes, I went to a breakfast place for dinner.    I knew it would not be that busy and I was craving pancakes.   I ordered pancakes and a cup of coffee.. (Coffee at Denny’s is gross, just an FYI).  I took my bible along and I read some psalms as I waited of my pancakes to arrive. 

I survived!

            I was able to eat dinner by myself in a restaurant.   I might not ever have the courage to eat at a fancy restaurant by myself but I am proud of myself for facing this fear and eating dinner all by myself.  (Even if it was technically breakfast food).

~Sunny :D