Dear Christian Guys

I am writing this in hopes of convicting you.   You all need to realize that your sisters in Christ have very sensitive hearts.   Think of how sensitive your ego’s are, and you may begin to understand how sensitive our hearts are.

                  Women are taught at a very young age that they should strive to get married and have a family.   We are taught domestic responsibilities like cooking, cleaning and child care  from the moment we are born so we will be prepared for our eventual “someday”.    Boys are given toys that encourage play such as transformers and legos.   Girls are given toys that teach us how to change diapers, organize a pantry, and make baked goods.

Our society only reinforces this idea.   We are taught that we are not “normal” unless we are married.   We are raised on Disney stories about “Prince Charming” and “Happily ever After”.   Movies, TV shows and music all reinforce the idea that we need to get married and we need to get married before our “clocks” expire.   When we do finally reach an age where marriage becomes an option, we are treated “different” if we are not married or on the road to it.    At weddings people always look at us with pity in their eyes as if we have some sort of disease because we have not found “the one”.   

The church holds high emphasis on marriage as well.  Sermons on topics such as  “Be Fruitful and Multiply”,  “The Fruit of Marriage” or “Love your wife as Christ loved the Church” happen almost weekly.   Well meaning married folks seek to “fix your problem” by setting you up with any available Christian guy they know~ Even if they are 21 years older than you.   Nosy folks ask: “Why aren’t you married yet?” As if we are choosing to remain single when everything in society is telling us that we are “weird” because we are not in a relationship.

As women, our job is to wait.   We are not supposed to pursue you.  You are supposed to pursue us.    Women who truly LOVE GOD know that they are valuable to him and have high standards when it comes to choosing a mate.   Guys who fall far below our standards are often the same ones who pursue us.    In our marriage-focused society, we are told “You should lower your standards” and many of us do.  These women often find themselves in marriages that are unhappy.     The smart girls, the ones who truly love GOD will wait.  

Finally, we begin to get pursued by a good Christian guy.  This guy has a college degree, a good job AND he loves GOD.    Our hearts begin to rejoice and we begin to think “He is the one”.    He pursues us, we allow him too all while trying to “guard our hearts” which can be difficult when a decent guy comes along.   Then you may start saying things that lead us to believe you like us as more than just “sisters in Christ”.   Our hearts begin to open up to you, and we begin to believe that you are interested in something more than just a friendship.   We let our guard down and… you disappear.    Speaking as a girl who has had her hopes ruined more than once, I have compiled a list of things you should not say to a girl unless you are seriously planning on getting married to her someday.

GOD told me too

This is the first bone headed thing you guys say.   You will say things like “GOD told me to ask you out.”   You will use this to manipulate a girl who is naïve into going on a date with you.   Yes, manipulate!    Perhaps a girl is on the fence about dating you, she likes you, but she is unsure about some things.    To get control over the situation (in other words to get your way) you say:  “GOD TOLD ME to date you”.   The girl begins to wonder about her own intuition and her own leading from the spirit.   She begins to think “Well, if GOD is telling him to date me, and his job is to pursue, maybe I should go out with him.”  

Guys, this is WRONG!  What happens is the girl begins to think that you are “the one” because GOD TOLD YOU to date us.  So we date for while, and we begin to let down our guard and we begin to fall for you.   It seems that at that precise moment you decide: “GOD TOLD ME to break up with you”.    You leave our hearts wounded and what worse, we begin to question GOD.  GOD would never allow our hearts to get broken; he desire better for us.   But here we sit questioning if our GOD loves us because he allowed such a hurtful thing to happen to us.   Do you understand why this is wrong?

So my advice: Unless you see a burning bush or an angel of the LORD comes to you and tells you to date us, I suggest you refrain from using that line.

I need to pray about it.

                  You will say things like “I am waiting for GOD to tell me what to do.”   Or “I am just not sure if this is the right path for me”.   Just be honest, you are stringing us along to make sure there is not something better out there..   I read a boundless article about this very topic back in 2013.  The title of the article was “Quit Test-Driving your Girlfriend”.   Basically, it explained how men get to pursue and because of that, you tend to pursue as a consumer.  You try to get the best bang for your buck so to speak.

You need to pray about it?   You probably should have prayed about it BEFORE you asked us out on a date. 

My advice:  Seek the LORD and wise counsel.  If Godly people around you think you will be a good match for each other, then by all means..  Date her, make your intentions clear and Marry her!

So.. To sum up this heartfelt post… Boys, please grow up, we woman need MEN who are not afraid to lay it on the line and be honest.   Please stop hurting our hearts and stop being so wishy-washy. 

~Sunny :D